Written by Draconian Clown
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Topics: Democrats, Strike

Wednesday, 5 July 2006

image for Democrats Launch No-dong Candidates
No-dong Launch Conference

In a move seen by many as shameless copycatting of North Korea, the Democratic Party has decided to launch No-dong candidates. These candidates, part of a new series of candidate, can threaten both coasts of the United States with first strike capability. Like the North Korean No-dong missile, the Democrat's No-dong candidate will likely misfire during launch or fall harmlessly into the ocean far short of their target.

To some, the Democratic Party's No-dong candidate is strikingly similar to the North Korean NoDong missile. Both No-dongs are designed to produce a loud, boisterous launch but one that has little chance of actually reaching its intended target.

The Democratic Party has launched a series of loud, boisterous failures in previous years. The most famous loud, boisterous failure was Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards. Edwards, a lawsuit mogul, is most famous for adding, "hope is on the way" into all of his dialog.

"It was really maddening", said ex-girlfriend Tiffany Sloat. "We would be ordering pizza, the waiter would ask what size and John would say this ‘hope is on the way' thing. When I introduced him to my mother, I was like, ‘Mom, this is John' and he actually said, ‘hope is on the way' and it broke my heart."

The No-dong series in both missiles and Democratic candidates is being interpreted as nothing more than an extortion attempt. For the Koreans, the missile is being used to frighten the world into giving them more free food. For the Democrats, the candidate is being used to frighten the country into giving them more seats in congress.

Knowledgeable leaking sources, made up of the usual disgruntled bureaucrats, say the No-dong candidates differ from the traditional candidate in that they will address only the most popular issues in opinion polls.

Reginald Bickersnap III, a veteran Junior Assistant Ambassador at the US embassy in Gabon said, "It is my understanding the No-dong candidate will use a Clinton-style triangulation strategy in reaching it's target. It will map opposing opinions in the polls until it finds the most popular middle point. The No-dong will then focus on that perfectly middle point, in the most popular opinion, until it changes."

Renaissance entertainer and political analyst Whoopi Goldberg said, "The No-dong candidate is not the No-dong missile. I mean, they are in no way the same thing. "


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