Written by Asheville Jack
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Thursday, 13 September 2012

image for Mitt Romney Rolls Another Toddler for His Lunch Money

In yet another indication that the stress of the Presidential campaign is starting to wear on the republican candidate, today Mitt Romney ordered his security detail to stop his limo long enough so he could get out of the vehicle and roll a nearby child for his lunch money.

According to nearby witnesses the eight year old child, who was on his way to school, appeared to be surprised by Romney's attack but then started putting up a pretty good fight, even going so far as to head butt the republican Presidential candidate in the groin, causing Romney to let out blood curdling "faa..aaa..uuucckÂ…meeee"!

Unfortunately for the feisty child his luck soon ran out as Romney ordered his body guards to hold the child down while the Presidential candidate punched the toddler repeatedly in the kidneys. Fearing for the worst, reporters from a local Fox News station ran to the scene to help out. However their concerns were unwarranted as the child passed out shortly thereafter.

Later at the state aquarium where Romney was getting a blood transfusion from a shark, Romney would say only that his attacks on children go back to the time he was frightened by a clown when he was sixteen years old. When asked, Romney said he couldn't remember how many children he rolled over the years, except to say that he was sure they deserved it.

In related news, Governor Romney said that he would be going back into the hospital next week to have yet another smirk-lift as his was starting droop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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