Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 7 September 2012

image for Obama Plans To Tax Infants To Balance Budget:  Tax On Tots (TOTS)
Tax On Tots

BILLINGSGATE POST: Last night at the Democratic Convention, President Obama unveiled his plan to cut the 16 trillion dollar deficit by doing something no other president has dared: Taxing infants as they leave their mother's womb.

Saying that, "its never too early to get involved," President Obama cited statistics from Europe that indicate that the sooner you start taxing citizens, the less that they will complain later on. "Furthermore," he went on, "this may help to decrease the number of illegals crossing the border to have their babies in the United States, something that the neo-cons have been complaining about for years; a win-win situation."

If he is re-elected he said that he will also ask America's parents to donate all of their able bodied children between the ages of 3 and 6 for a march against Jersusalem. In the original Children's Crusade in 1212, children as young as 6 gathered in European cities to march on Jerusalem to take this holy place back from the same infidels who reside there now. Noting that children are much more mature now, he said it was wise to chose younger kids because they are significantly more malleable.

Prior to the President's speech, Senator John Kerry, the slack jawed, chicken-lipped, Boston Brahmin jackal, who by the way, served in Vietnam, proposed a "nuisance tax" on terrorism. By putting a surcharge on attacks that go beyond agreed upon casualty limits, Kerry hopes to keep future attacks within an acceptable nuisance coefficient, at the same time providing a source of revenue to reduce the deficit if terrorists go beyond United Nations defined guidelines.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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