Written by Aspartame Boy
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Saturday, 28 July 2012

image for Aspartame resolves corn shortage
Microscopic image of the new corn

Fort Detrick, MD - According to scientist Dr. Orncay Olehay, a drought ready strain of corn has been developed that requires less water to grow. The recent devastating drought in the corn belt of the USA inspired this invention.

The new corn produces neither starch nor sugar. The new strain of corn is 100 times smaller than regular corn. This makes it possible for the farmer to grow the corn in a much smaller area. The area is small enough that the farmer can water the corn by simply urinating upon it.

Rather than produce starch or sugar, the genetic code of the new corn has been modified to produce aspartame. In addition to the normal cultivation techniques, the farmer is required to sprinkle small amounts of methanol on the plants as they mature.

The new corn can be used to easily produce sweeteners and makes an excellent popping corn. When popped, the corn tastes like caramel corn on steroids.

If you want to know what it tastes like, try microwaving some aspartame sprinkled on a miniature cord cob. Chances are you may give up eating regular corn as a result!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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