Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 25 July 2012

image for L.A. To Close Down All Marijuana Shops
A photo of a marijuana user who goes by the nickname of "The Durango Bango Kid."

LOS ANGELES - Literally thousands of high school and college students are extremely upset at a statement that has just been issued by Mayor Antonio "El Hey Dude" Villaraigosa.

Speaking before hundreds of members of the news media Mayor V, as Lindsay Lohan calls him, informed everyone that the Los Angeles City Council has just voted unanimously to shut down all 901 marijuana dispensaries within the L.A. city limits.

The mayor remarked that the weed store situation had gotten way out of hand and noted that undercover agents had discovered that one grass shop in particular, The Wowie Zowie Grazz Shop, was abusing the system by also selling food such as hamburgers, pizzas, and burritos.

He pointed out that agents learned that other pot shops were selling food items which included chicken pot and pot pies, marijuana matzo balls, stir-fried weed, and a marijuana laced guacamole dip with tortilla chips that had been made using a special hemp sauce solution.

Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle reporter Fuchsia Garfunkel interviewed several joint shop patrons.

One male who would only give his nickname "The Durango Bango Kid," stated angrily that now that the reefer shops are being shut down that he is going to have to start growing marijuana in his great grandmother's garden.

Another weed enthusiast who said his initials were Q.Z. stated that he'll just have to drive over to La Brea and buy his supply of dope from one of the biggest pot dealers on the Left Coast Quixote "Smokey" De La Sopapilla.

And long time cannabis shop dispensary customer Kimberletta Kenya Tugglefish, 19, said that she was going to raise money with a cake sale to hire noted attorney Gloria Allred.

Miss Tugglefish, who works as a waitress at The Silly Sardine Seafood Restaurant in Avocado Heights, says that the decision to close down the "Mary Jane Shops" as she calls them is unconstitutional and violates several U.S. amendments.

When asked by Miss Garfunkel to list the amendments Kimberletta paused for a few moments and said, "Ah...lemmy see. Amen'ment numba 97, numba 131, numba 18, numba 2,903 and lossa udder numbas too numerous ta menshun."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I tried to reach Willie Nelson to get his opinion on the closing of the 901 marijuana dispensaries in L.A. but I was told by his harmonica player that he had gone down to Nuevo Laredo, Mexico to see about purchasing a pair of maracas.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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