Written by Hunter Thomas
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Topics: Dogs, BBQ

Friday, 22 June 2012

TACOMA PARK MARYLAND - Barky the firehouse dog was accidentally eaten during a fund raising bar-b-que held by the Tacoma Park volunteer fire department. A mascot for the station for the past ten years, Barky was a well-loved character in the community and had three life saving rescues to his credit.

Melvin Spiniada of Tacoma Park Maryland told dc Lampoon that they noticed that Barkey was missing around four o-clock, two hours after the picnic began. "I knows something was wrong when I dropped a pork chop on the ground, and Barkey wasn't there to wolf it down. That dog eats anything."

Another Bar-b-quer added. "I feared the worst when I took a bite out of my ribs and noticed that they tasted kind of funny and when I found Barkyes name tag in my baked beans."

After a frantic search of the area, a dog Collar was found next to the chopping stump where they cut up the ribs to be bar-b-qued. One of the part-time chefs, Ernie Heidelbanker, was taken into custody and charged with doggie homicide. Ernie spoke with reporters on his way to jail and said "Pig, cow, dog, what difference does it make, a rib is a rib."

A small pile of eaten ribs was buried along with Barkeys collar and name tag.

Fireman Russ Gillman spoke a few words as the ribs were laid to rest. "He was a good dog even without the sauce." For a moment he paused and fought back tears. "Barkey, we will miss you." A small crowd gathered around the remains broke into tears as these sad words were spoke.

During the ceremony the fire house caught fire and burned to the ground as firefighters who were so full of food could not move to put out the flames. Despite pleas to "do it for Barkey." the fire fighters were unable to save the fire house.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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