Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

image for Where Did Mitt Romney's Too Tight Blue Jeans Go?

The Campaign Dress Review is questioning where the Mitt Romney too tight blue jeans went. The jeans made his movements appear awkward, his feet shuffling with inch-worm steps addressing people to his right, followed by inch-worm steps addressing people to his left. Relaxed? No. Were those too tight jeans retired for the season or did they finally give it up and split?

Split: as in half, not as in walked away.

Romney wore a pair of puffy white trousers for a garden party (before Memorial Day) that hinted at a cupcake belly over his belt. They disappeared after one wearing. The garden party home had a golf course and Romney said it was the kind of home a Democrat would hate.

The Campaign Dress Review is puzzled.

Looking like the man from Curious George, Romney wore a pair of yellow pants at a speech in Ohio and got tangled up talking about World War II veterans carrying torches lower than the year before and nobody was carrying torches this year and America has to regain the torch carrying and carry it higher...

The Campaign Dress Review is again puzzled.

Maybe the yellow pants were too tight or the sun too hot or he needed the sombrero from Curious George.

At Cranbrook Prep, Romney had a Michigan State Trooper's uniform and said he liked to drive around at night with a red light attached to the roof of his white Rambler. The red light on a car roof recalls murderer Caryl Chessman, known as the Red Light bandit and executed at San Quentin.

His dad was Governor of Michigan, and there aren't arrest records for impersonating a state trooper. Doubtful he wore the uniform when he cut off a younger student's hair.

The State Trooper's uniform went with Romney to university where he proudly showed it to fellow students. Like the tight jeans that disappeared, the students split, as in walked away.

The Campaign Dress Review isn't suggesting Romney is channeling Caryl Chessman, but it's rumored Chessman complained that cookies served at his last meal looked as though they were from Woolworth...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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