Written by Dan Cun
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Topics: dating, Acne

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

image for Outbreak of Acne Ruins First (And Last) Date
Once, in 2012, I was so close, so close to getting laid.....

A Miami man was today left shattered after an outbreak of acne marred a blind date which he was positive was odds on to lead to a possible sexual encounter.

Regrettably that did not occur.

Dr Daniel Cun, 32, handsome, charismatic, kind and a disconcerting young man, who bears a striking resemblance to an Asian Brad Pitt had spent the night before his date preparing funny anecdotes, practicing his "I am interested" look, doing sit-ups and hurriedly learning Russian, a result of a little white lie that he thought would not be called out on but quickly revized this theory just in case.

Due to this nocturnal preparation, which lasted longer than Daniel had anticipated, he did not receive his standard 8 hours of sleep, which then led to an unfortunate outbreak on the right side of his face, just below his eye.....a massive zit!

Daniel had three options. Option number one was to ignore the offending spot, not even squeeze the unsightly pimple. Option two was to nuke the unwanted blemish, squeezing it hard in the hope it would simply vanish. Option three was to disguise the thing, cover it in make up so that no one, no one, would ever know it was there.

Daniel, the fool, took option three.

The date approach and Natasha, a young Russian girl he had met online arrived at their designated meeting place on time. She was how she had described herself, small, thick ankles, a hardly noticeable moustache and surely not too fussy.

The date began well, jokes were made, Russian was spoken then, then the unthinkable happened. Natasha spotted that a patch of Daniel's skin was not quite in keeping with the rest of his face, in fact there appeared to be a orange patch, just below his right eye.

"You where make up?" asked Natasha

"No, well, erm, yes, I mean no, I mean, no, I mean, come on, you really aren't going to critique me are you? Please? Look at you, you aren't going to get better than me, seriously, you are not a super model are you? Come on, it's a spot okay, it's a fucking spot god dam zit! You never had one? No? Sure? I bet you have, plenty I bet, and if you had one now, I wouldn't care, I would still bang you, I would just shut it out, come on, it isn't that bad........Natasha? Natasha? Come back, you haven't finished all your Big Mac!"

Daniel had once again blown it and despite his hopes, Natasha hadn't blown anything......

There was only one thing for it, he grabbed a cab and headed for CVS, where he purchased a TV guide, some lubricating jelly and of course, tissues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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