Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Monday, 11 June 2012

image for Bilderburger Finals from Chantilly VA
Uh, Going down?

It's all over but the fears. Early this morning, Marriott employees began handing out souvenir "Sullivan & Cromwell," T-shirts to departing guests in honor of the powerful Wall Street law firm where Alan Dulles and his brother, John Foster Dulles invented the military-industrial complex.
"Without these guys," one well-heeled gentleman said, holding up his precious memento of a weekend very well spent, "I'd be like one of these guys out here, parking cars."

The employees themselves were less impressed. After all, now they work for a name they can't even pronounce, all because somebody they will never know pulled a credit default swap from the "Community Chest." But they smile on, anyway. That's what Mormons do

It was a busy weekend by any measure: Congressional boundaries were finally finalized, Pending quarterly earnings,that is. The trading session in the futures pit - blackmail, backstabbing and allegiance shifting - along with every other available commodity -is over - for now.

Archer Jack Daniels Midland is now a reality (so be careful what you have for breakfast.)
Some interesting currency changes are in the works. The Euro is to be replaced by "pieces of eight" (actually what they're going to do is just bust each Euro up into eight pieces using a home kit to be provided by the Franklin Mint)

All in all, it was a typical Bilderburger meeting. After sunset, out come the diplomatic pouches with the best of the unavailable.

"Now that they have the extra money to raid the dispensaries, there should be no excuses," a Swiss lobbyist for a major pharmaceutical concern remarked. "Let's be done with this stupid weed nuisance once and for all."

"Agreed," replied a deeper voice in the shadows, "So don't Bogart it, pass it around"


The country "formerly known as Greece" is expected to have a name change (and its clock cleaned) in July. Unless this nation, famous for its goats and the men who love them, can come up with some serious scratch, the new name will be: Grease.

World conquest in the information age is not a pretty sight. Styrofoam cups litter the floor. The men's room is a study in bad aim.

But the walls have ears.

"The Taliban have their demands, and they are a legitimate market, the Republicans have theirs (but also with plenty of money). The Democrats (portraying the incumbent this time around) are recycling a Law and Order platform which just might sink of its own weight. As long as both the Dems and the GOP don't give the same dumb speech at the same time, nobody should notice."

"It's been over 50 years and they haven't noticed yet. Why should they now? People watch prices, not currency fluctuations. So, what's the worst that could happen? Brazil is nice in the fall."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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