Written by Michael Balton
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Sunday, 10 June 2012

image for Tsunami-Driven Toyota Dealership Washes Up In California
Tsunami debris comes in all sizes, like these size 10 sneakers.

Venice, California - Japan's 2011 tsunami has brought yet another surprise to American shores. A Toyota dealership, complete with a sales staff and a service dapartment, has landed on the beach here, less than a week after a Japanese fishing dock arrived on the Oregon coast.

Misawa Toyota, originating from the same village from which the fishing dock came, is now open for business on Venice Beach. Asked how he and his staff survived the ocean voyage, Hiro Yoshi, the general manager of the franchise, pointed to his love for Japan's raw fish staple, sashimi, and his passion for crafting great leasing and financing packages for value-minded drivers.

"We spent the whole voyage creating the best deals ever for our new American customers," Yoshi said. "We've lowered the prices on dozens of 2011 Toyotas so they can drive a great bargain right off the beach."

But Victor Clouse, Assistant Adjutant of US Customs, has other plans for Yoshi and his inventory. "First things first," Clouse said. "We have to cut open all those cars to check for contraband. Mr. Yoshi should consider changing his calling to scrap metal salesman,."

Shree Diblee, Director of Castaway Adjudication for the US Department of Immigration and Naturalization, declared that Misawa Toyota would be shut down until Yoshi and his entire staff obtain green cards. "This changes everything," she said. "We are seeking funds to build the seawall up-and-down the West Coast to keep immigrants out and jobs in."

Roger Jitzit, Deputy Beach Master for the EPA, expressed concern about the environmental impact of running a full-service car dealership on a California beach. "It's unusually warm today," he said. "Lately, I always feel hot. Do you feel hot? Damn global warming."

Meanwhile, local residents organized a torchlight parade down to the beached car dealership, but it wasn't clear whether they want to celebrate the arrival of the franchise or burn it down.

"My grandfather helped raise the flag on Pearl Harbor," one torchbearer said. "So I don't think we should allow these people to float their country over here one piece at a time."

Another demonstrator noted that she was penciled in for a financing deal on a used Corolla. "It has less than 8000 miles on it, not counting the ocean voyage," she said. "And it's emitting only a little above average levels of radiation."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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