Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 29 May 2012

image for Mitt Romney Says If He's Elected President He Will Invade North Korea
The latest missile launched by North Korea landed just two miles from the launch pad.

KEYSTONE, South Dakota - Willard Mitt Romney stood in front of Mount Rushmore in the Black Hills of South Dakota talking to a crowd estimated to be between 180 and 192 people.

He told the people that he wants their vote so that he can move from his present home in Boston to that really neat White House located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C.

The crowd roared with approval as Romney tried his best to keep his hairdo from going all Gary Busey on him in the Mount Rushmore breeze.

He also mentioned that he worked real hard to kick the GOP butts of Newt "The Cabbage Patch Doll" Gingrich, Rick "Slick Rick" Santorum, Rick "Electric Chair" Perry, and that Bachmann woman from Minnesota.

The crowd shouted out "ROM-NEY! ROM-NEY! ROM-NEY!"

And the man that Congressman Ron Paul calls "That Mormon Fella" grinned with presidential campaign pride.

He told the assembled group that he wanted to show his appreciation by buying each and every crowd member a corndog-on-a-stick and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

The people erupted in thunderous applause and yelled out "ROM-NEY! ROM-NEY! ROM-NEY!"

One little spunky elderly lady identified as Citronella Beulah Pankymeister, 87 of nearby Custer, South Dakota told Mr. Romney that he reminded her of her favorite actor.

"George Clooney?" Romney asked.

"No" came the reply.

"Brad Pitt?" He asked.

"No, not him either."

Romney growing a little impatient asked "Well then madam please tell me which actor you think I look like because I have to leave here in 10 minutes and head over to Cleveland."

The little feisty lady thought for a moment and then replied, "Morgan Freeman! Yes sir, that's who you look like, Morgan Freeman."

Romney shook his head as he rolled his eyes and remarked that he just wanted everyone to know that if elected president one of the first things he will do is invade North Korea.

"Why?" asked an inquisitive Mrs. Pankymeister.

The ex-governor of Massachusetts growing even more impatient with Mrs. Pankymeister turned to an aide and asked him to quietly get the little old lady and lead her over to the Happy Folks Portable Potties away from the crowd.

"Say Romney, how about answering the old woman's question fella" yelled an unidentified male member of the crowd.

Romney turned as pink as a Charleston carnation and replied that the reason why he would invade North Korea is because he is sick and tired of them firing off their wayward missiles every three weeks or so.

When asked where he would get the money to finance this large scale invasion Romney replied that he would have to raise taxes.

The crowd suddenly began chanting "RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL!"

And on that note, the ex-governor of Massachusetts boarded his presidential campaign bus and headed for Cleveland.

In Other News. Gordon Ramsay, star of the reality cooking show Hell's Kitchen, was injured during a charity soccer match in Manchester, England when former Manchester United Red Devil Teddy Sheringham hit him from behind. Ramsay informed Tittle Tattle Tonight that he plans on hiring attorney Ginger Allred and filing lawsuits against Teddy Sheringham, Man U, Old Trafford Stadium, and Prime Minister David Cameron.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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