Washington DC, Thursday 27 April 2006 -(Associated Mess): The Iraqi Horror Picture Show took a mildly satirical turn for the hearse yesterday with the appointment of President George Bush's new anchor man Tony 'The Blizzard' Snow.
Snow, 50, is an experienced parody writer who personally ghosted President George Bush Senior's curriculum vitae for the CIA back in the 1980s in a marathon effort that earned him a top nomination for the 1988 Pullitzer Prize for Fiction.
Subsequent assignments on re-branding the American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones into a happy-clappy religious fraternity with NO CONNECTIONS WHATSOEVER to the pathetic whitewash exercise that was the Warren Commission earned him the admiration of Riggs Bank shareholders worldwide who repeatedly sponsored him for the Nobel Peace Prize during the 1990s.
In 1996 he was snapped up by Faux News where he mastered the arcane art of sign lanuguage, a political talent that propelled him straight to the top White House job of Head of Counter-Intelligence to the Bush Dynasty.
Mr Snow, in an Associated Mess interview on Thursday, said: "It's public record. I've written some comical stuff. When you're a columnist, you're going to arse-lick and you're going to empathise.
"Sycophancy was my major at Harvard and helped greatly in securing my position for Mr Bush Senior, and then later at Fux (sic) Radio.
"I guess those talents really show today and might just be the real reason I have been snapped up for the top White House job ........now that Jack Abramoff has grassed up all previous incumbents on the PR side of the Administration."
Correspondents say the West Wing will be hoping the former journo may ensure a smoother ride with the press corpse than the farcical bluff and counter-bluff repartee of the last few weeks:
"Snow's first real test will be tomorrow, Friday 28 April - which is Saddam Hussein's 69th birthday", said a spokesperson.
"How he handles that and the accompanying floorshow that his personal fan club puts on for the occasion will be more a test of manhood than of mettle."
Mr Snow's record is still under scrutiny by the White House to see if his views really co-incide with those of the President. Although he is felt to be 100% sympathetic to Mr Bush's plight, he has been mildly critical in the past in his written efforts:
Last year he wrote that the President's "wavering alcoholism has become an active concern among Republicans, who wish he would stop cowering under the bed looking where he hid those half-empty Jack Daniels bottles."
And a feature posted on his website in February described the president's domestic policy as "witless".
Look out for more developments on this latest White House appointment tomorrow.