Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Theft, homework

Sunday, 20 May 2012

image for Teen Burglar Gets An 'A' on Homework Left at Scene of Crime
I think I'll leave them my book report on War and Peace.

An 18 year old Miami Florida teenager, Donny Disaster, was given an 'A' on the homework he left at the scene of a burglary. The homework was left on a desk that had been ransacked and alleviated of a box of cherry pop tarts. Apparently, Donny Disaster, had put his name and address on the homework which led the police to Disaster's parent's house where they found him in the kitchen trying to get the pop tarts to blow up in a toaster.

"This really has been a huge break for us", exclaimed Miami police chief Jerry Oversight. "Not only did we solve this burglary, but, also, 50 other burglaries that had taken place around the city of Miami where the perpetrator left completed homework at the scene".

"What really made this difficult is that all the previous burglaries had homework with different names and addresses of people that were not Donny Disaster which had us running after red herrings. Hell, one had the name Sweeney Todd and an address of Fleet Street London on it. When we asked the UK for permission to extradite him, they told us that he was currently buried under a meat processing plant".

"In another incident the homework had Batman's name and no address. So we called up Commissioner Gordon to see if we could question him and he told us Batman had had sexual reassignment surgery and was now known as a stripper who goes by the name of Batina. That pretty much got Batman off the hook".

"Heck, one of the most intriguing ones had just the name Pythagorean Theorem on it and a whole bunch of weird numbers and shapes all over it. We had an expert look at it and he came up with the conclusion that it was a design for one of Lady Gaga's outfits, but she denied it was hers because she never dated anyone named Pythagorean Theorem. She did ask us to give her his phone number if we ever caught him though".

While the bad news is that Donny Disaster is being charged with 50 counts of burglary, the good news is that Donny Disaster will actually be getting good grades in classes he was previously failing due to not turning in his homework.

"This is amazing", exclaimed Zippidy-Do-Dah High School Principal Sammy Silly. "All along we were convinced Donny was a pathological liar just making up excuses for not turning in his homework. Geez, we thought it was such a farce when he kept telling his teachers that the police took it".

"It turns out that he not only did he complete all of his homework assignments, but got an 'A' on every single one of them".

In related news Lady Gaga has just announced her engagement to a Mr. Pythagorean Theorem.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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