Mitt Romney, candidate for president of the United States, quoted from the Sermon on the Mount today in a talk to Wall Street bankers and hedge fund managers. "Well, kind of," reports Politico. "He changed the context slightly but what's the difference of a few words among friends," states the column.
Romney: "Suffer the little children unto me," he paused as the audience chuckled, "and suffer", he paused, "and suffer," he paused once again, "and suffer!" The assembled stood up as one and cheered.
Romney: "And the least of these?" he said in a questioning manner. The crowd shouted back, "What?"
Romney: "Without the least of these," he paused for effect, "there wouldn't be most of us!" As laughter rocked the hall, Romney continued: "And remember this, don't hide your light under a bushel! Write an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal and wait for Fox News to call!"
As the crowd stood up and cheered once more, Romney held up his hands for silence.
"And finally my friends always remember this, blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Just call the cops and tell them to bring the mace, the clubs, and the nets. Remember, this is your land, this is my land!"
As glasses were raised and moistened eyes grew red with emotion, Ken Lewis, CEO of Bank of America closed the proceedings with the VanVelzen song, "Shine a little light on me."
In related news, a violent thunderstorm struck the financial district of NYC this afternoon cracking the foundations of several buildings. In other news, several members of a prominent hedge fund group in NYC are reported to have entered a cloistered monastery in Trenton, New Jersey. No explanation was given.