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Thursday, 20 April 2006

image for Bush hires former Iraqi Minister of Information to replace McClellan
Former Iraqi Minister of Information Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf giving his first briefing as White House press secretary.

WASHINGTON DC - Shortly after White House press secretary Scott McClellan announced his resignation Wednesday, President Bush told the White House press corps that Iraq's former Minister of Information under Saddam Hussein, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, had been hired to fill the position.

"President Bush is the greatest and most popular president in the history of America," said al-Sahaf during his first press briefing. "His approval rating is currently at 238 percent and he enjoys widespread love all over the world for his generous and wise leadership and striking good looks."

He then thanked his friends and family for helping him achieve his dream of being the White House press secretary, something that he had fantasized about since he was a young boy growing up on the "streets of Los Angeles."

"I would like to recap the Great President's accomplishments so far, for all of you," added al-Sahaf. "Since September 11th, President Bush has captured Osama Bin Laden, crushed Al Qaeda and arrested every terrorist in the whole world. Iraq is now a thriving Jeffersonian democracy, a model for the whole world, even France. The Great President has also brokered peace between Israelis and Palestinians and spread democracy throughout Africa, the Middle East and Asia. The economy is also at record highs, America no longer has any outstanding debt or trade deficit, oil and gas prices are at all-time lows, and all Americans have never been wealthier or had better job security. I also must mention next week's launch by NASA of the first manned spacecraft to Mars. The Great President would also like to correct a factual error that keeps popping up in his biography. It is ridiculous to claim that his height is 5'11 or below. People look up to him, and not just because he is the greatest president in the history of civilization. He is actually 6'4 and weighs 270 pounds, all muscle. "

News of al-Sadaf's hiring immediately caused quite a stir throughout Washington, with some pundits questioning the wisdom of Bush giving such an important position to someone with so much baggage in his past, as well as a history of being a compulsive exaggerator.

The hiring of the former Minister of Information - best known for his sensational outbursts during the Invasion of Iraq and its immediate aftermath, in which he claimed Iraq was winning the war - caused some to question his ability to be as truthful as his predecessors, McClellan and Ari Fleischer.

"Isn't he the guy who as Iraq's Minister of Information, claimed that the Iraqi army had crushed the US military and taken back Baghdad Airport, and that a fake Saddam had been captured?" said Mary Klein, a former Democratic strategist. "Do you really need me to explain why this move is an incredibly bad idea?"

However, it is generally assumed that al-Sahaf will be given a chance to show what he can do in the position, as is the tradition with White House press secretaries.


"I really think we need to give the guy a chance," said Rush Limbaugh on FOX News' "Hannity and Coulter" program. "This move really shows that the president is intent on shaking up his administration, which has been doing an amazing job in every area, but needed to be made even more invincible, especially to counter the defeatest, socialist propaganda constantly being spat out by the blowhard Democrats lead by that witch Hillary Clinton. I now think Bush has the greatest White House team assembled since Abraham Lincoln or maybe since Jefferson."

According to a senior White House aid, al-Sahaf has already earned the president's highest respect, with Bush calling him an "honourary Texan".

The president was also especially pleased by al-Sahaf's performance in a late morning military briefing today to assembled military correspondents.

"The invasion of Iran will be quick and easy," said al-Sahaf. "The good people of Iran will put up no fight because they desperately want us to nuke their country so that their leadership will be humiliated and run away like scared little girls. And then we will re-install the Shah's heir as the rightful leader of Iran and there will be peace and prosperity throughout the region."

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