Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: Congress, Washington

Tuesday, 11 November 2003

image for 2004 Presidency to be Decided on "Survivor"
President Bush explains his "Survivor" strategy in front of a crowd of reality show enthusiasts.

Washington, D.C. - In a move that turned the political world upside-down, Congress announced today that instead of having a traditional presidential election next November, candidates will compete on the popular reality game show "Survivor", winner take all.

"The 2000 election was an embarrassing joke," said Senator Patrick McGroin, "We've decided to avoid looking like fools again and simply use 'Survivor' to decide the next president."

The show will pit ten candidates against each other in what is traditionally a post-merge situation on the show, where every individual fights for him or her self.

"We had initially planned to split it up into republican and democrat tribes, but then we realized there weren't any good republican candidates," said McGroin, "So Bush is the only one on the show."

President George W. Bush was shocked yet somewhat intrigued by the news.

"Well I'll be, I love that show," President Bush said, "It's my favorite next to 'G-String Divas'. This might be interestingtastical."

The bill to change the election procedure only received one negative vote, from Sen. Joseph Gabigool.

"I voted against the bill because I wanted to see them compete in a demolition derby instead," said Gabigool, "Wouldn't that be cool?"

The show will take place on an island somewhere in the South Pacific and will begin filming in July. The location will not be disclosed for security reasons. The final roster of candidates will be decided through the initial primary elections early next year.

"We believe that this will be the ultimate test to prove the worth of our next president," said McGroin, "It will showcase the candidates' toughness, diplomatic skills, problem-solving ability and what they look like shirtless, among other things."

The candidates are split as to whether this is a good or bad thing for them.

"I think it's great," said Howard Dean, democratic candidate, "I know I can whoop that wuss Joe Liberman's butt in any challenge."

"This is a travesty and a gross mishandling of power," said Rev. Al Sharpton, democratic candidate, "I mean, look at me. Do I look like my pudgy behind will last 30-something days on a desert island? And I'll mess up my hair!"

"Survivor: The Presidency" will air beginning in September of next year and conclude with a live finale on Election Day on which the winner and next President will be revealed.

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