Missing Spoof Writer spotted throughout the West

Seattle, Washington - "She was wearing a blonde wig, and had no make-up on, but, we could tell it was her. We surprised her when we called her by name, and she ran screaming from the building."
"I saw her in a Vancouver, B.C. bar, drinking straight shots of Canadian Whiskey. I know it was her because I saw her picture in the Seattle Times."
"They said she liked ‘slots' and we are sure we saw her when we went on vacation to Vegas. She was wearing a black ski mask, but it was definitely her."
The reports of "Susan" sightings are coming in. Last week we noted in Spoof that veteran writer, Susan Rosario, was missing from a Seattle hospital.
Seattle police told Spoof that they have had several leads in the case, but so far none of them have panned out. "She's out there somewhere. Somebody knows where she is. We'll find her or her lifeless, mangled, decaying, maggot riddled body someday," they added.
"I don't want to wait until she's a worm feast to find her. They need to follow every tip until the trail goes cold. Besides, she could be out there suffering and alone, with nothing to keep her warm, but her Master Card. No one seems to understand how risky it is to leave her unsupervised, with an open line of credit, near an outlet mall. She should be considered ‘armed and dangerous', her husband said.
He went on to say that Susan has been behaving very strangely since her shoulder surgery in October. Apparently, while she was home recovering, she got hooked on the Home Shopping Channel.
"Now we have a garage full of useless junk, like a solar powered time machine, a rock salt-to-silver conversion unit and something that's supposed to turn raisins into rocket fuel. There's going to be hell-of-a garage sale at the Rosario house this summer. Last month, she bought a dozen expired pacemakers because they were ‘vintage'. What am I going to do with those damn things? She could be out looking for mag wheels to put on her on-line shopping cart, for all I know. The main thing is, her vacations ends on Wednesday and she has to get back to work. Besides, we need someone to do the laundry, I'm fresh out of underwear."