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Wednesday, 18 April 2012

image for Government Gone Wild to air on E! TV.
E! TV panel will open Governemnt Gone Wild

Today the E! Entertainment Television network announced they will soon introduce a new reality show called Government Gone Wild. The show will be aimed primarily at mature (read that "senior citizen") audiences who are increasingly peeved by revelations of government excesses. The new series will be produced by the creator of the very successful Girls Gone Wild franchise.

E! is a cable/satellite TV network owned by NBC Universal. It was launched in 1987, but did not really hit its stride until the early 2000's. That was when NBC executives found a way to reverse-pipe the Los Angeles sewer into the E! studios, and then convert the emanating filth to programming ideas and scripts. The miraculous conversion is done by a patented device called the Zuckanator, named after its inventor and current NBC CEO, Jeffrey Zucker. The Zuckanator was proven successful at E! and at MSNBC before being released for use at the parent network in 2005.

E! spokesman Elliott Schwantz said that the network conducted pilot runs of the new GGW series in three localized test areas , and that audiences in the 55-80 year-old age group were extremely positive about the program. Sixty-five year old Benjamin Nines told this interviewer that he and his golfing buddies found GGW even better than the only other E program they watch, "The Girls Next Door". "That's quite an endorsement," said Schwantz.

Government Gone Wild will be E's first foray into entertainment aimed at anyone older than sixteen. While the younger audiences value E!'s typical programming format which is designed to titillate rather than inform, the senior age group presents a much more lucrative audience for advertisers, and therefore, for the network itself. Schwantz said that as soon as word of GGW was leaked to ad agencies, the network was overwhelmed with bids for spots to promote precious metals, real estate, and laxatives. E's advertisements have until now principally focused on pimple creams, Apple electronics, and feminine hygiene products.

Jeff Neely, commissioner of the Federal government's General Services Administration (GSA), Pacific Rim region , has been identified as E's chief consultant for the GGW series. It is not clear how long Neely has held that position. Neely is currently on the hot seat for his agency's blatant abuse of taxpayer funds at GSA conventions and activities in Las Vegas and Hawaii. And CBS reports that there is much more dirt to come.

Neely has been placed on administrative leave, and called to appear at congressional hearings where he done nothing but "take the fifth" to avoid testimony. An E! insider told us that Neely's reluctance to testify is intended to increase the public's thirst for scandal (and therefore for GGW programming), as much as it is to avoid personal incrimination. That strategy could clearly backfire. California Congressman Darrell Issa, the Republican Chairman of the House Oversight Committee, has Neely directly in his sights, and is doing his best to embarrass the administration with the hearings. Issa wants to make an example of Neely and land him in jail.

Mr. Obama and his minions are of course feigning much dismay at Neely's abuse of power and privilege.

Neely is circumspect about his role in the GSA scandal, and exudes the confidence of an untouchable. Apparently, he is well connected within the federal bureaucracy, and knows of many skeletons in the closets of multitudes of Washington bureaucrats, left and right.

"When push comes to shove, I am confident that no one in either party will really want to pick at this scab," he said. Only time will tell, but meanwhile, potential viewers are left wondering. Just how many scabs has Neely already picked open for E?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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