Spoof writer disappears from Seattle hospital

Seattle, Washington - It was suppose to be just an over night, short-stay, follow up visit… it turned out to be any thing but….
"All that she left were her Webster's Spelling Dictionary and a bloody trail. Susan is nowhere to be found. This is not like her at all, something horrible has happened. She would never leave the hospital without telling someone," her husband told reporters.
The facts of the case are as follows… Spoof writer, Susan Allen-Rosario checked into an unnamed Seattle hospital, but never checked out. She has, by all accounts, disappeared.
"We looked under the beds and in all the closets, she just isn't here," hospital staff say. "It's possible that we threw her down the shoot with the laundry, when we were changing the beds yesterday, but, we can't be sure."
"They're lying, they never changed the bed. It's still covered with blood," family members related. "We think the hospital performed some kind of unnecessary or experimental surgery on her, that went terribly wrong and they are hiding her, or what's left of her, here in this very hospital." They went on to say that they fear that a full frontal lobotomy or a partial lobotomy may have been her fate.
Susan's mother is not buying that story. "I think the G-men (government agents) have her," Mrs. Allen said from her Seattle home. "I told her that if she didn't stop writing those silly stories about George W. Bush, the G-men were going to get her. Now, I think it may have actually happened. It's her own fault, like everything else. I know that her phone was tapped, because when I used it once, I heard the person (listening on the other end) belch into the receiver."
Friends say she's probably in Vegas. "That woman takes off for Vegas at the drop of a hat. Last year, she went to Vegas to celebrate ‘Arbor Day'. Who goes to the desert to celebrate trees? She's there with or without a lobotomy. She doesn't need a brain to play slots. They should check the machines on the strip, and if she's not there, she's in some comedy club cracking up with the local half-baked comedian. We'd make book on it."
Police are asking for the public's help in finding the missing writer. If you or someone you know has any information regarding the disappearance of Susan Rosario, please call the Seattle P.D. @ (205) 555-SKIPPED.