Written by Danny Williams
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Sunday, 1 April 2012

image for April Fools: Your Mother Is Dead

BREAKING (WTFM) - In the single most tasteless attempt at a joke fate could muster, your mother has died on April Fool's Day.

You receive the call from your sister around 3:00 AM - a particularly sadistic time because of the fact that you have to wake up and think about it for a minute before it dawns on you that it could simply be the most evil prank anyone could pull on you.

"Hey, it's your sister," says a voice that seems...choked, somehow. "I'm sorry to wake you up, but I didn't think it should wait. Mom passed away about an hour ago." Wait... was she holding back tears?
Or was that laughter?

At first you are completely stunned, and don't know what to think or say. You remember something from the night before - something about today.

Good God. How could your sister be so incredibly cruel? Has she no concept of the boundaries of humor?

"You're sick," you tell your sister. "How could you do this."

"What?" says your sister. Now her crying, and/or laughter, pours out. "Mom is gone! Why would you say that to me? Don't you know I'm hurting right now?"

You begin to question yourself. "April Fool's?" you ask timidly.

"NO!" says your sister.

Turns out it's not a joke. Your mother has actually died on April Fool's day.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Sis. Oh my God!"

"The ambulance just left the house," your sister tells you. "Do you want to come over?"

"Of course, yes. I'll be right there. I love you."

You wake up your wife or husband, and tell him or her the news, bawling.

He/she does the best he/she can to console you. He/she gets dressed and brings you your clothes and leaves the house to go warm up the car so the heater will keep you warm all the way to your mother's house.

You sit for awhile in the dark, thinking about your mother and how she made you your favorite cookies that one time when you were a rebellious teen and you got mad at her and called her a dirty name and ran to your room and slammed the door. Then she brought you the cookies and looked you in the eyes and told you that she loved you.

Suddenly you realize that even though you've thought about that day many times before now, you never told her how much you appreciated her in that moment.

And now she's gone. Forever.

Just then you hear your wife or husband yell from the front door, "Oh no!"

"What is it?" you holler back.

"The car won't start."

You can barely speak. How could life be any more cruel? "It won't start? Are you kidding me?"

There is a pause. Then: "April Fools!"

But, yeah... your mother is still dead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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