Written by K.C. Bell
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Saturday, 25 March 2006

image for Bush Approval Rating Drops To 4%
"Should have called it: Mission Impossible."

The approval rating of President George W. Bush has dropped to 4%. Reliable sources at the White House vigorously defend this recent drop, pointing to the 5% margin for error, suggesting that his approval rating may climb up to 9%. Whoopee!

Realists, however, suggest it may dive as far down as the subzero level. No relation to the refrigerator of the same name; though there is a slight similarity in an abstract, Zen, temperature, Fahrenheit, Celsius, morgue sort of way. The low polling figures were blamed on the current mood of the media; though it was President Bush who announced two years ago, "Mission Accomplished".

The harlot media is blamed for reporting: the firing of General Shinseki for requesting more troops in Iraq; failure to locate weapons of mass destruction; publishing the photographs of Abu Ghraib; outing CIA undercover agent Valerie Plame; listing the number of American and Iraqi killed; the slow response to hurricane Katrina; the Harriet Myers debacle; lobbyist Jack Abranoff; the Dubai ports deal; NSA wire tapping; and Vice President Cheney shooting a man in the face while under the influence of Dr. Pepper.

The media should stop reporting the weekly scandal, and instead report on the cat that stayed home and didn't get stuck up on the telephone pole. This is the only kind of story the media should pursue; anything else is un-American. "Thank you, and good luck."

Much like the Road Runner, Tony Blair is also trying to distance himself from diving approval ratings. Plagued by a series of scandals, the latest one: accepting cash in exchange for a peerage.

So Blair nominated Mr. Andyloo to the House of Lords. Labor was in a stint for cash. Anyone who visits an andyloo recognizes the enormous service those four tin walled sanctuaries provide. Some andyloos are even clean; smelling of that reassuring disinfectant, with the luxury of soap, running water and paper towels. It seems only appropriate that there should exist a peerage for Lord Andyloo.

President Bush's solution to his 4% approval rating is taking to the sky aboard Air Force One, twin in tow, addressing bespoke audiences, promoting war with jingoistic enthusiasm, while insisting that he doesn't like war. Rather go to the dentist.

Blair announced he takes "Full responsibility", for accepting loans to the Labor Party in the run up to the last election. Wile E. Coyote isn't buying that explanation, and is fast gaining on Blair.

But Lord Wile E. Coyote would bring things to a quick stop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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