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Saturday, 17 March 2012

image for Meghan McCain Talks About Sarah "Snowflake" Palin, Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter, and Rush "Limpy" Limbaugh
A sand likeness of Meghan McCain's Calvin Klein Jeans. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

LOS ANGELES - Meghan McCain, the daughter of Senator John McCain and his elderly Barbie-looking wife Cindy McCain appeared on the daytime talk show The View.

She talked about her latest political tell-all book titled My Days and Nights On The 2008 GOP Political Trail - Pshaw! Pshaw! and Some More Pshaw!

Meghan who makes no bones about the fact that she cannot stand fellow GOPettes Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter, 50, and Laura "Butchy" Ingraham, 47, told Barbara Walters that she saw some things on the political trail that most Republican women would literally scream out in amazement at.

She reflected on the fact that she was literally floored the first time that she saw "Snowflake" Palin, 48, actually wearing a camouflaged hunting jock strap underneath her dresses because she swore that it made her feel like she was invincible.

McCain, who is 27, also revealed that one night after their party had eaten a quick dinner at a local Enchanted Enchilada in Albuquerque, New Mexico that she visited Palin in her Sacajawea Motel room.

She began asking Sarah geographical questions and she was amazed to learn that the "Ice Princess" as her ex-future son-in-law Levi Johnston called her could only name a total of 13 of the 50 states.

Meghan giggled like a San Fernando Valley school girl as she conveyed to Whoopi Goldberg that Palin had actually named Arizona and Alaska twice and included Panama as one of the states.

Senator McCain's daughter stated that she recalled Ann Coulter confiding to her at a Buckstar's Coffee Shop in Pascagoula, Mississippi, that she had not had a date in six years.

Coulter, who is called "Trigger Face" by most Democrats and about 15 percent of all registered Republicans implied that the reason guys did not ask her out was because she stands 6-foot-3-inches tall and only weighs 84 pounds.

She had even acknowledged that her own gynecologist Dr. Ferguson P. Quickholtz had once told her that she was truly one of the few patients that he had ever seen who actually looked a whole lot better with all of her clothes on.

"Horsey" as the two Obama girls Malia and Sasha call Coulter related that Dr. Quicky, as his long time patients call him, had told her that she was going to have a hell of a time getting a man to ask her out as long as she looked like a damn white drinking straw.

Meghan personally divulged that she knows that she is on the chubbyesque side but that she does not over-dwell on that fact.

She was quick to point out to Joy Behar that she has lots and lots of dates because unlike Sarah "Reindeer Hormones" Palin and Ann "Sea Biscuit" Coulter she has one heck of a fantastically fabulous personality.

McCain shyly grinned and said that she has been told dozens of times that she not only has bedroom eyes but bedroom (BLANKS) as well.

The attractive blonde then stood up, looked right into the camera, and remarked that for the past three years, she has been voted The Best Darn French Kisser In Arizona by the Arizona Male College Student Associations of five of Arizona's largest universities.

Whoopi asked Meghan what she thought about Rush Limbaugh calling Georgetown coed Sandra Fluke a "slut," a "prostitute," and a "simple minded cheerleader."

McCain's face turned as red as a Tucson tomato. She said that Rush "Limpy" Limbaugh needs to realize that he not only offended every woman in America he also offended the daughters, sisters, nieces, and granddaughters of every man in America as well.

Meghan noted that if Limbaugh gets any fatter he may be asked to enter next New Year's Day Tournament of Roses Parade as a float.

She further noted that she recently heard Larry King reveal to Piers Morgan that "El Tubby" Limbaugh can single-handedly devour a 12-inch, 6-item pizza quicker than David Crosby, Wynonna Judd, and Chaz Bono.

Joy Behar, Barbara Walters, and Whoopi Goldberg all stood up clapping and cheering at Miss Meghan's remarks. Elisabeth Hasselbeck the lone GOPette on the panel simply sat in her chair dialing a cell phone number on her cell phone.

Barbara Walters told her to put her cell phone in her purse and never again use it during a show or else she could get her little 'Red State' bottom on up to Alaska with Sarah "Caribou Ovaries" Palin.

A very red faced Hasselbeck apologized as she put her cell phone away and took a Kleenex tissue out of her $900 Gucci Purse.

Walters grinned and told her to be very, very careful because Leah Remini has just been let go from their rival talk show The Talk and Remini has already talked to her and informed her that she is willing to work for half of what Lizzy Hasselbeck is paid.

SIDENOTE: Meghan McCain is scheduled to appear on Piers Morgan Tonight, Anderson Cooper 360, The Young and The Restless, The Weather Channel, and on The Hola Mazola Hora (The Hello Mazola Hour) on Telemundo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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