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Topics: Golf, Jesus H Christ

Monday, 20 February 2012

image for Former Messiah now PGA Pro
Feathersucker when known by billions as Jesus Christ

ORLANDO FL (ABSNN) -- Clem Feathersucker, formerly known to billions as Jesus Christ, finished his three-month long Professional Golfer Association Pre-tour School Saturday. He graduated fifth in his class of thirty new golf professionals.

"I plan to work at the Pro Shop at Augusta National (Georgia) for a couple of years giving lessons. I'm pretty good at teaching fundamentals, you know," said Feathersucker.

Feathersucker resigned from his position as the Son of God claiming he no longer associated with so-called "Christians."

"I've already be crucified for the ungrateful fucks," he said to reporters. "I'm happy walking the links and having a cold one or three at the 19th hole," he added.

During his PGA School days he played against Phil Mickelson and "beat him out of $650 in a Skins Game.

The Vatican refused to comment, but an inside source told this reporter, "Augusta National used to be my favorite course, but not anymore. Shit, they let in women and negroes, and now even freakin Jew-boys. Next they will allow homofaggosexuals to get married in the Clubhouse!"

A Baptist minister, Harry Balz told reporters, "Look at him, playing golf on the Sabbith like all the rest of those heathenn golfers. His daddy raised him better than that!"

Feathersucker, AKA Jesus Christ will play in next week's Suzaki Open in Tokyo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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