Studies have found that the best way to get ahead at work is basically, to "slack off." The Institute of Medical Latent Apprehensive Zoological Yodeling released their findings today from a year long study of local businesses and offices, on what exactly gets a person ahead in the "Rat Race."
According to Professor Bum the findings were initially a shock to the research team stating, "It was amazing, but the more time some one would spend at their desk working the less likely they were to be promoted." The study goes further saying that those who spent an average of about 80% of their time chit chatting and pushing their work off on others were nearly 10 times more likely to be promoted into management than their more studious co-workers. Graphs show that there is an A-Sympathetic relationship between a person's productivity level and their odds of making it to even the first level of seniority within any particular business. New employees who manifested large incompetence's were quickly snatched up by leadership and more often then not put in charge of the department that they could barely function within, in fact, the worse the incompetence the shorter the time before promotion.
When we approached one of the local offices that participated in the study they declined to comment. We were, however, able to catch up with one of the employees that had been promoted during the study, we posed to him the simple question of what exact job function his department performed. The best we could get from him was, "uh ." He thought about it for so long, our voice recorders ran out of memory before we eventually gave up. So the next time you go into work, remember this, if you can tie your own shoes and have even a small amount of integrity, go ahead and settle in. You're not going anywhere!