Written by Dr. Billingsgate
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 12 February 2012

image for Obama Blows This One:  Churches Won't Have To Pay For "Air Start" Contraception Coverage
NO TO AIR STARTS

BILLINGSGATE POST - In another startling reversal of Obamacare dogma, President Obama advised American bishops that church affiliated hospitals and charities would not have to pay for a contraception method involving the use of air starts. As mentioned before, the term "air start" was part of the idiom used by flight crews on Navy carriers to describe the blast of super-heated steam that provided the acceleration needed to catapult planes off the carrier deck. However, the term was later vulgarized by Navy pilots and is currently used as a replacement for another vulgar term for oral sex.

The President, who seemed uneasy about going into detail about this method of contraception, said that Valerie Jarrett, Health Secretary Sebellius and his recently appointed Contraception Czar, former President Bill Clinton, all agreed that this method should be "carved out" because Clinton himself said that it was not a sexual act according to his understanding; thus, affected church organizations should not have to pay for insurance to reimburse employees undergoing this procedure.

Considered by most public health agencies as the most effective form of birth control other than absolute abstinence, the procedure remained under the radar until popularized by President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office. Although Ms. Lewinsky retained her virginity and did not become pregnant while providing this medical procedure, she was not pleased to hear that Clinton dissed her efforts to make him happy.

NOTE: Most of this information came from sources deemed reliable.

Make Dr. Billingsgate's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 1?

3 11 9 5

Go to top