Washington, DC -- President Bush has appointed Osama Bin Laden to fill the vacant seat as the head of FEMA. To rebut recent charges of bungling and mismanagement in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, President Bush wanted a "take charge kinda guy" to step in and reorganize the ailing agency.
"We've seen him on tape and I was personally impressed by his charisma and ability to get things done," Bush noted as the appointment was announced.
House Republicans and Democrats, long divided by party politics, took the White House by surprise by joining forces to defeat the nomination. In a jointly released statement to the press, party leaders vowed to overturn the nomination of a man long sought by the United States Military for acts of terrorism against the United States.
After pushing two Supreme Court Justices through the nomination process, the White House staff felt confident that they could overcome the skepticism surrounding the nomination of the Saudi National. As Bush's Chief of Staff noted, "It's not like the head of FEMA is really expected to do much stuff, ya know?"
Bush openly mocked the concerns of Congress by pointing out that it was not in the interest of America to hold all Muslims suspect and by assuring the American people that he was pretty darned sure that that bin laden was long dead.
Or, as Secretary Rice appealed to the press, "One bad bin laden doesn't spoil the whole bin laden bunch."
Amnesty International called into question President Bush's acceptance of the Muslim culture when his administration was adament about keeping untried Muslims in Guatanamo Bay, Cuba.
The White House countered the charges levied by Amnesty International by stating that bin laden's appointment as head of FEMA would only serve to help those Muslims being sheltered in Cuba should a hurricane occur.
President Bush, breaking with the usual secrecy of the White House, lauded bin laden's experience in "planning and bringing assets to disaster related emergencies and in bringing diverse elements together in a singular purpose."
"Bringing folks together in a mutual cause is what FEMA's all about," Bush concluded as he hailed "binnie" as a heck of a guy.