Written by Ellie James
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Topics: Darts, Spelling Bee

Sunday, 29 January 2012

image for Spelling Bees to Incorporate Darts
For your safety, it's best not to sit in the first five rows of Spelling Bees from this day forward.

Spelling Bees will look differently beginning next year as officials have decided to eliminate contestants spelling words aloud. Instead, participants will throw darts at the correct word.

The announced will say the word, and the speller will see images of the correct word with four options that are misspelled. The speller will have about 15 seconds to throw the dart at the correct word. Spelling Bees will no longer be just about spelling dominance, but athletic agility and speed combined with hawk like vision.

"Spelling Bees can get boring," says Jacob Lewis, four-time champion from Des Moines, Iowa. "My grandmother fell asleep last year and missed out on me winning when I spelled cymotrichous correctly."

In a poll conducted jointly by The Association of Non-Sports and the Correct Spelling Alliance, 87% of people would much rather sit for hours in their local department of motor vehicles that watch a Spelling Bee. The poll also reports that 99% prefer root canals and 83% would rather be stuck in traffic listening to Toddler Time Favorites.

The National Spelling Bee President, Hugo Downs, chose darts over snake charming and figured skydiving would be too much of a liability.

"Throwing darts is the best of available options, and there will be paramedics on hand in case one of the contestants accidently hits a judge, or in rare cases, a family member."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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