Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 24 January 2012

image for Gingrich Lobbies Tiger Woods for Support in Florida
Hey man. Look at me! I'm still alive. Trustworthy and electable!

Emerging like a Phoenix in South Carolina after his second wife dropped the infidelity bomb on him, Newt Gingrich is now lobbying Tiger Woods for campaign support in Florida, says "they're kindred spirits".

Referring to Tiger's ability to launch a "come back" after devastating but quite impressive reports of his own extra marital proclivities, Gingrich's Public Relations manager, Cindy Hoverton, says that the two media figures are "destined to be together".

"Both Newt and Tiger left the public eye in personal and professional disgrace, but yet somehow, came back to kick start a successful career", says Hoverton. "Nobody can spin a news story like Newt, or Tiger for that matter, and frankly, the man's gotta eat".

Other political analysts are disgusted. "The new strategy of 'Yes, I've made some mistakes but now I'm focused on the future' seems to work well for politicians and sports heroes", says New York Daily Times analyst, Charles Manson (no relation), "but not for the average guy. I'm pretty sure my wife would have had my jewels on a platter if I had pulled a Newt or a Tiger".

Ignoring the negative press and pushing ahead with conviction seems to be the tactic that won South Carolina, despite questions about moral character. Hoverton believes that Newt is the right man for the Presidency, regardless of his past. "He's still got a fire burning in the furnace even though there's snow on the roof. Newt is an attractive, I mean an attentive politician", slipped Miss Hoverton.

There was no confirmation from the Tiger Woods camp as to his decision to support any candidate, though an insider commented, "Newt's like a triple bogey. You're gonna have to take one on the card once in a while, but nobody really wants it there".

In a related story, Newt's third wife Callista, reportedly discharged Miss Hoverton after hearing her interview, apparently reducing the temptation for a fourth Mrs. Gingrich.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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