Written by Adam Click
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Topics: Post Office, Stamps

Friday, 10 February 2012

image for Post Office Unveils New Stamp
Thanks to the new "Whatever" stamp this man has just learned that he is no longer president.

Lansdowne on the Potomac-The United States Postal Service has unveiled a new stamp designed to placate customers and save the service both time and money. The new "Whatever" Stamp guarantees that your letter or parcel may or may not be delivered somewhere, sometime in the future.

"It's such a simple concept I'm amazed that we haven't thought of it before." Said Post Master General Earl S. Gardner, adding that, "With the increased uncertainty of delivery comes major savings on the part of our department."

Customer reaction to the new stamp has been mixed with some admiring it's simplistic goals and others unsure whether they would ever use it.

"It's great!" chirped Charles Bird, who was standing in line at the main post office in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. "Imagine! You can finally say that "The check is in the mail." and not be lying. And with no certain delivery date you don't even need to have the money in the bank. Hey,listen, for half the price of an actual stamp I'm going to use it on all my mail!"

"I don't know." said Edna Farber of Wanasock, New Jersey. "What if you actually want something delivered. Are they going to have a stamp that guarantees prompt delivery? What in the world is that going to cost?"

The new stamp is not problem free, however. It looks incredibly like the popular "Forever" stamp. This similarity forces people to announce outloud that they have just handled a letter with the new stamp. This, in turn, has led to an interesting phenomena: postal employees flinging letters over their shoulders as they shout: "Whatever! Whatever!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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