Written by mikewadestr
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Wednesday, 18 January 2012

image for Kidnapped Grandma forced to rob bank with Bomb. Claims:  It was the most fun I have ever had in my Entire Life
Bombs away!

A New Orleans, Louisiana grandma, 67 year old Anna Flakes, joyfully told a group of arresting officers that her experience of having been abducted, fitted with a live bomb and forced to rob a bank was the most fun she has ever had in her entire life.

"The whole damn thing was fucking awesome!" Exclaimed Mrs. Flakes who was draped in a bomb blanket and surrounded by the half of the Charlotte Police department and the 100 or so Homeland Security agents who happened to be in the city waiting for Mardi Gras. "I never thought that anything was more exciting than Thursday night bingo at Geriatrics Parish".

"I barreled into the place with my walker and screamed: 'Don't anybody move! I'm Grandma Turban! I'm a member of Al Kinda! You know those people? They are the ones who work for that Ira guy who is in the middle of the beast holding a bunch of those atomy things that everyone is trying to destroy with a giant atomizer".

"Hell, just for shits and giggles I asked them: 'Do I have one ankle bomb or two? Gosh in all of the excitement I kind of forgot. Do you feel lucky teller boy? Well do you?'"

"Now we all don't want to keep granny from getting over to the Country Munchy Buffet for the blue plate special, now, do we? So just shell out the loot now!"

"Hell everyone looked like they were ready to poop their pants. Sheesh, I bet more than one or two of them actually did. I felt like Bonnie except without Clyde. Unfortunately Clyde, that's granpa's name, was back at the ranch and tied like a hog. Gollywillagers, it seems like granpa misses out on all the fun. Ah hell, he would much rather been playing shuffleboard anyway".

"God holdup my nighty! It was so exillerating!"

"What really sucked about the whole thing was when that security guy tackled me from behind and knocked my dentures out of my mouth and into one of the teller's mouths. That guy just started gasping and turned real purple just like he was bit by a water moccasin. Kind of like getting bit by the granny woman if you know what I mean".

When asked what would happen to Mrs. Flakes, New Orleans police sergeant, Larry Oversight answered:

"Well, I mean, if this was your grandma, what would you do? Man, you can't put granny in Guantanamo Bay now could you?"

"Heck, we found out that granny was right friendly once we got to know her. She really showed us how good she was with pants zippers and without her teeth, well, we were thinking of just keeping granny around the police station for a while. Granny can cook up a really mean omelet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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