Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Sunday, 1 January 2012

image for "Expect Flying Saucer Attack If I Lose Iowa!" Promises Newt Gingrich
Newt Warns Of Saucers

Ames, Iowa-- Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich says there will be trouble if he doesn't win the Iowa caucus. The strange ex-congressman from Georgia was spotted yesterday walking down the street by himself, and having a long conversation with his invisible friends. His odd behavior attracted the attention of many onlookers.

"I just intercepted a message between the Galactic High Command and Mitt Romney!" shouted Newt to himself. "Prepare! Prepare for the end of the world!" he screamed. His fat face turned beet red as his eyes bulged with excitement.

"If Romney wins, everyone will be eaten alive by space beings from a distant galaxy! Vote for me or die!!" he screamed again. He then broke down in tears and collapsed into a fetal position.

A kindly onlooker called 911 for the stricken man. Someone else put his coat around Gingrich as he lay huddled on the sidewalk.

"I have absolute proof Ron Paul comes from Outer Space!" declared Newt to the curious onlooker. He sobbed for a minute and then seemed to gain control of himself. "A vote for Ron Paul is a vote for space aliens!" he trumpeted.

An ambulance soon arrived and took Newt to a nearby mental institute for a long 'rest'. He was listed in serious, but stable condition.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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