IOWA CITY, Iowa - Newt Gingrich's political campaign bus nicknamed the "Stud Bus" pulled into Iowa City, the town noted for being the place where Indian guide Sacajawea had that now infamous menage-a-trois with American explorers Lewis and Clark.
Gingrich speaking at the town's Threesome City Park told the crowd that he is feeling really good about winning the GOP presidential nomination.
He said that everyday more and more people are texting him, emailing him, and phoning him saying that they think that his hairdo is just as nice as Mitt Romney's and Rick Perry's.
Gingrich asked the crowd if they had any questions. One elderly gentleman asked him what Michele Bachmann was really like. Gingrich made a face and replied that he was not here to talk about losers and asked for another question.
A middle-aged woman asked him if he is elected president what he plans on doing about the corn weevils that are attacking the silos up in Fairfax.
Gingrich paused for a moment and replied that he has no knowledge of that, but off hand he stated that he will probably have the silos burned down to the ground and new corn weevil-proof ones built.
The crowd cheered, "GINGRICH! GINGRICH! GINGRICH!"
And then a little elderly woman, who appeared to be in her mid 80s asked him about GOP maven Ann Coulter.
Gingrich turned red. He coughed a little and he took a drink from his can of Heineken. He then cleared his throat and replied that he wanted to make it very clear that he did not have sex with that woman Ann Coulter.
A huge hush fell over the crowd and one could hear a corn kernel drop. The little old lady replied that she was asking what he thought about Ann Coulter saying that she cannot stand Donald Trump and that his hair looks like that coonskin cap that Davy Crockett used to wear on his head except that its blonde, longer, and silly as hell looking.
"Oh, I see. Ahhh...well then let me just..."
He was interrupted by a male in the back who hollered out. "Okay, Newton, tell us all about Ann Coulter."
"There's really nothing to tell." Gingrich remarked, "Yes, we may have gone out a time or two but that was before I was married."
A female voice from the back yelled out "To your first wife, your second wife, or your third wife?"
And with that Gingrich looked at his watch and said that he was sorry but that he had to leave because he had to get to Tiffin the town where Sacajawea reportedly agreed to officially be Lewis and Clark's Indian tour guide as well as party girl.