A Woebegone, North Carolina Golden retriever named Butt-Shot finally passed his final exam from the Dick Cheney School of Hunting by shooting his owner Donny Butt-Bruise in the buttocks. This had been Butt-Shots fourth trip to Dick Cheney's hunting school with each previous trip ending in utter failure.
"This is fantastic", gasped Donny Butt-Bruise who was laid over an operating table on his stomach. "I will admit that Butt-Shot is not the smartest dog in the world but he is persistent and he gives a 110 percent all the time. Everybody is so proud of him right now. I remember how hard it was to get Butt-Shot to finally attack the mailman instead of my mother's purple wig, which when you think about it, was probably the right choice anyway. At least we didn't have to see that thing at the viewing after she died of a heart attack the last time he came at her".
"It was pretty tough for Butt-Shot", started the Dick Cheney School of Hunting Dean Fred Collar. "All of our final exams are take home exams and the first three times things didn't work out so well. On all of his failures Butt-Shot ended up killing Donny's nosy neighbor, sister-in-law and brother-in-law. I was ready to give up on him but Donny insisted sending him for a fourth try. Donny was really upbeat and excited because his mother-in-law was going to be over when Butt-Shot would take the next final exam".
"Thank goodness he finally passed. Dick Cheney said that if the dog fails another one, he was going to have to take him out hunting alone, and you know how that goes".
On a sad note, Mr. Butt-Bruise was hoping to take his graduated dog out hunting with his buddy Sloshed, but Sloshed died when he drove his car off of a bridge while intoxicated. What makes it even more heartbreaking is that Sloshed had just graduated from the Ted Kennedy School of Driving and the two were supposed to get together and celebrate.
When asked what he would do now that his good friend had tragically died, Mr. Butt-Bruise replied: "You know, I was thinking of getting my mind off hunting and maybe try some flying. I have always wanted to fly a plane. I have a brochure to the John F. Kennedy Jr. School of Flying that I have been looking at for the last couple of days now".