Written by jd Balderdash
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Friday, 3 February 2006

image for Judge Alito Resigns
Alito's pal Tom Kenny, voice of Spongebob says "Sam's been dis'd"

WASHINGTON - Citing "irreconcilable differences" Judge Samuel Alito today told reporters, "I've had it with this Supreme Court crap AND all 8 of those characters behind afore-mentioned crap."

Only 3 days after being sworn in to a life-time job Samuel Alito quit. Judge Clarence Thomas also speaking with reporters at Capital Hill today defended his fellow judges saying,

"Sam was a misfit the day he arrived. He walked IN talking about repealing Roe, un-appealing Wade, upgrading the Constitution to version 2.0 ... we .. we .. finally just stood up to Sam and told him 'NO!'.

That's when Judge Altio, according to sources pulled off his robe, packed up his judicial belongings, turned in his resignation at the door and walked away into the night.

Tom Kenny, voice of the wildly popular cartoon, Sponge Bob Squarepants, himself a lifelong friend of Samuel Alito voiced concerns about Clarence Thomas's comment told Syracuse KWEQ reporters,

"Sam is upright and true, right Patrick? Yes. Sam is not the cause of the friction between Sam and the other justices. The U.S. Supreme Court is the problem not Sam, right Squidward?"

President Bush's dog Barney is also a close friend of Samuel Alido. White House sources say that although Barney, being a terrier, cannot fathom the consequences of his friend Sam leaving the Supreme Court but did "not quite last night" finish his Kibbles n Bits after Alito announced his resignation.

"See what you've done?" President told reporters, directing his response to the Democrats.

"No, see what YOU'VE done" Senator Ted Kenndy told reporters, directing his response to President Bush and all the members of the Republican party.

Senator John Kerry expressed sorrow for the disruption in the Supreme Court's reorganizational process and promised to assist with alternate choices for future replacements for the now vacant Supreme Court slot.

Judge Samuel Alito, now unemployed, sources say will have no problem rebuilding the flourishing judicial career that he had prior to his nomination and acceptance of the job of Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America.

Inside sources say that Cindy Sheehan has initially said "thanks but no thanks" to Senator John Kerry's recommendation that she be considered as a possible candidate for the 110th Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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