In a startling event, President Bush has transferred all executive powers and privileges to the Democratic leadership.
Reporters found Bush riding around in his pick-up and asked for clarification, "Look see, you get tired of the constant nick-picking. These people can't agree on squat but they think they can run a government better than me. So I just figured I'd let em. Heck with it, I'm gonna run up here and get me some tacos! You wanna go?" Asked Bush as he gunned his engine.
The Democratic leadership, caught completely off-guard, cannot agree on who is qualified to move into the White House. Hillary Clinton is suggesting a "one roof" government scenario. In a simple extension of her book, It Takes a Village, Senator Clinton envisions each room in the White House being home to a particular interest group. For example, the Lincoln bedroom would house members of environmental movement who would then double as servants for Clinton confidant and long-time Lincoln bedroom occupant, Barbara Streisand.
Senator Clinton herself would be roomed in the entirety of the rest of the White House because, as she put it, "I am basically a walking village and able to represent every issue fairly and simultaneously. Each time I enter a different room, I will represent a different interest depending upon my polls."
The National Park Service, who oversees logistics for the White House stressed the importance, before her return, of Clinton returning the silverware missing since the Clintons left the White House after their legendary two-term presidency.
"We're not saying she stole them but we would like to have them back. They belonged to Martha Washington for Chrissake! I mean, this is a no questions asked one-time deal and we'll even forget about the missing drapes and lampshades." Said a Park Service representative.
Massachusetts Senators Kerry and Kennedy are furious and demanding an immediate independent investigation into Bush's offer to give up power.
"I say what he is doing is illegal, wrong and not what I would have done as President." said Kerry. "I say he is acting without constitutional authority, without the support of the international community, against the hopes and dreams of the American people and not what I would have done as President. I ask this question - is American safer with Bush out of the White House? I ask are our children safer when this buffoon hands power to a bunch of Democrats? I say no! I say we are not safer and this is not what I would have done as President."
Senator Kennedy, after being handed his opinion written by Senator Pelosi, said, "Why is Bush giving us authority to run the country? What does he know that we do not know? To say we are suspicious and condemn this action by an illegal and dangerous president is an understatement. Bush can simply not be allowed to make a correct decision. We do not care what it is and we will fight any decision he makes regardless of what that decision might be. We owe that to the American people who have struggled through decades of suffering and backward progress."
Meanwhile, while no one is in charge at the White House, former NATO Commander and Reagan Secretary of State, General Alexander M. Haig Jr., says he can be at the White House within minutes with a full detachment of the elite 82nd Airborne to take charge, if necessary.
General Haig commented earlier in response to the events, "To the fore, but not-withstanding any previous laterality of exploit or inaction, I linger prepared to the extent requisite by a typical constitutional interpretation." Recently declassified Pentagon codes are being used to decipher Haig's comments.