Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: School, Driving

Tuesday, 31 January 2006

image for Houston to combine Enron, Tom Delay and Beyonce Trials into One

HOUSTON - Superstar Beyonce, charged with driving 28 in a 25 mph school zone finds herself sharing the courtroom spotlight with Enron defendants AND former House Majority leader Tom Delay in what Houston bills as "the greatest trial on earth." Houston officials say that combining the high profile trials will not only save Nancy Grace the trouble of traveling back and forth than back again to Houston but also "bring in a few bucks" to aid Houston's ailing economy hit hard by the space shuttle's inability to go up, then down without exploding into a million pieces.

"We're holding the trial in the Astrodome" one Houston city official said, explaining to reporters,

"We'll charge $25 a head to get in or a flat rate of $400 for a season ticket that will let you in to see all the defendants freed or convicted regardless of how long it takes to put them behind bars."

Attorneys for Tom Delay objected to the "circus-like" atmosphere that Houston has created. Enron Defendant Jeffrey Skilling, however, charged with 38 counts of fraud, conspiracy and just-plain greed said that he welcomed the event telling reporters,

"My partner and I WILL be vindicated. Again, we were simply chief executives of the company .. how the heck were WE to know what was going on?"

Houston Mayor Bill White told reporters,

"We hope Mz Knowles does the right thing for the City of Houston and simply shows up for court each day for a couple of months and watches the Enron guys or Tom Delay. She's our biggest draw ticket-wise".

If convicted of driving 28 in a 25 mph school zone Beyonce Knowles could face up to a $70 fine and a severe tongue lashing by Houston Judge Alexander Deville and her mother, Tina.

If convicted of screwing the American people out of 18 billion dollars both Enron defendants could face up to 30 decades in the federal penitentiary.

If convicted of money laundering, fraud and criminal conspiracy, Tom Delay could face up to 12 days of community service unless President Bush reduces the sentence to 10 days in which it will be, according to Bush, "10 days", Bush adding,

"Tom had BETTER not do it again though I tell ya or I'll give him 20 I swear I will."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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