Written by Lyndon
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Wednesday, 23 November 2011

image for Madoff fraud impacts investors worldwide, but not pissed-off Harfold investor
Cooke admitted that he was so bad at money management that he was never allowed to play banker in monopoly games with family

HARFOLD, Vt.--Harfold resident Bertram Cooke has lost thousands of dollars in the stock market's free-fall that started last week. In all, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has lost about 7% in five business days.

However, Cooke is livid that he wasn't one of the Madoff Investors, many of whom have lost everything.

"At least if I'd been a Madoff Investor," said Cooke, "I could blame my plight on someone else. Instead, I just have to look in the mirror to find the idiot."

According to his technology fund's online statement, Cooke had "lost" $11,700. He'd had $164,000 and change last Wednesday and was looking, in his mind, at a much more anemic $152,300.

"Those people are so lucky," Cooke said referring to the Madoff Investors. "They have a scapegoat, someone they can point their finger at. It was my decision to stay in the technology sector--how could I have been so stupid?

When pressed on the issue that Cooke really hadn't lost any money because he hadn't redeemed any of the shares in his mutual fund, he said puzzled, "Then those Madoff people will be ok, too, right?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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