Written by K.C. Bell
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

image for The Uterus And Romney

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced what women may or may not do with their uterus. Or, what he and the government say women may or may not do with their uterus. It's a citizen's arrest if women cross Romney's uterine line.

While he is pro-deregulation, (and the world witnessed what deregulation did to the housing market) Romney wants to regulate the the uterus. Even a fertilized egg is a life whether the result of incest or rape.

This dictator of uterine function failed to get one of his five sons to mow the lawn, so Romney hired a gardening service, (with illegals) to do the job. However, he sticks to a position of authority while determining what women are allowed to do or not do within their uterus.

The same guy who failed to get one of his five sons to mow the lawn, believes life begins at the fertilization of an egg. Think petri dish. Yep. Bingo! "Hi, dad. Where's my allowance. Can I use the car tonight?"

Scientists at the Norwegian Research Center of Reproduction, (on the island of Dr. Moreau) insist that life begins when sperm is produced. So bingo again! All sperm must be saved in mason jars and insured against damage or theft. Sperm banks will be opening up next so no sperm goes, (according to Monty Python) "unused".

Mr. Romney is not conflicted with the sanctity of life when going to war. Quote: "If I am elected President, Iran will not get a nuclear weapon." Really? How? War? Killing? Sending soldiers into battle to destroy nuclear facilities?

Like Rick Perry remembering two out of three, has Romney forgotten one out of one? The sanctity of life? Can't destroy a fertilized egg in a petri dish, but it's okay to send thousands of Americans to be killed in battle? What about the sanctity of Iranian lives?

While Romney is regulating what women may do with their bodies and sending other people's children off to war, none of his five sons has ever served their nation in the military.

Like hiring someone else to mow his lawn.

Read more by this author:

Make K.C. Bell's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 1?

9 13 4 2

Go to top ^