Written by Gail Farrelly
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Monday, 14 November 2011

image for Wild Turkeys Enjoy Thanksgiving Feast in Staten Island Town
Like Cindi Lauper, they just wanna have fun!

Thumbing their beaks at town residents who had complained about their presence in the community, a flock of about 100 wild turkeys added insult to injury last night by throwing themselves a huge Thanksgiving feast in the park at the town center.

Gail Farrelly, a Spoof reporter who understands turkey talk (she's come across many turkeys in her life -- of the human, as well as the animal variety) was invited to the feast. She had the opportunity to observe the festivities and make sense out of the assorted clucks, cackles, and gobbles contributed by the partygoers.

First up was an elegant cocktail hour featuring Wild Turkey Bourbon. As to the dinner's main course, the health-conscious turkeys, concerned about fats and cholesterol, feasted on acorns, berries, seeds, nuts, and assorted grasses. Dessert was a selection of snakes and lizards, served with chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

After dinner there was a sing-along, featuring old favorites such as "Turkey in the Straw." There was dancing as well. Favorite dance? No contest. The ragtime dance, the turkey trot.

Farrelly asked if the turkeys had a fear of being captured and cooked. They said they were confident that, since they could both fly AND run, they could elude anyone foolish enough to attempt to capture them.

And a wise old turkey added that it was a waste of time to worry about dying. Quoting a Scottish Proverb, he offered this advice: Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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