Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 17 October 2011

image for A Noted Gynecologist Has Issued A Very Stern Warning To The Women of Wisconsin
The Swiss Army Knife that Miss Cuttywoggy used in her self-procedure.

SHEBOYGAN, Wisconsin - Due to the horrible state of the nation's economy many people are trying to find ways to save money. Some are making their own tomato juice by using one part ketchup to 600 parts water.

A couple in New Hampshire rented out their food pantry to a 2 foot 3 inch tall midget who can get by on only 85 calories per day.

And there is a 101-year-old retired lumberjack in Idaho who says that for the past two years he has survived by eating nothing but tree bark.

The man identified as Horace "Bzzzzz" Buttonbox said that he has actually written a book titled, Tree Bark - Mmmm-Mmmm Yummy Yum, which includes over 90 recipes on various ways of preparing tree bark.

But one area that has the medical profession on its toes and extremely concerned is a situation that is presently occurring in the state of Wisconsin.

One of the states leading gynecologists Dr. Borysko F. Poxweiser, 71, has informed the news media that he has recently been made aware of the fact that there are some female residents of the "Cheese State" who, in an effort to save money, are performing their own liposuctions.

Dr. Poxweiser stressed that this is not only an extremely dangerous procedure to do but that on a scale of 1 to 10 in regards to being a dumb ass thing to do, self-liposuction is a definite 11!

He noted the case of one Nelly Muffatina Cuttywoggy, 28, who is an unmarried, 317 pound geography teacher in Milwaukee.

Miss Cuttywoggy just recently performed a do-it-yourself liposuction using an Army Swiss Knife and an upright Hoover Vacuum Cleaner and she ended up accidentally sucking out one of her ovaries.

Dr. Poxweiser said that he and two fellow physicians managed to put the ovary back where it was supposed to be more or less but added that Ms. Cuttywoggy's insurance is not going to pay for the surgery because it does not cover procedures related to self-operations or first degree ignorance.

Governor Scott "Mr. Anti-Union" Walker of Wisconsin has called an emergency session of the Wisconsin legislature and he is going to have them pass a law banning this ridiculous do-it-yourself-liposuction trend as soon as possible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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