Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 21 October 2011

image for The Highlights and Lowlights of The GOP Las Vegas Debate Featuring Ron "The Old Geezer" Paul
A hair dryer that Mitt Romney received as a Valentine's Day present from Donald Trump.

LAS VEGAS - The latest GOP presidential candidate debate looked more like a WWF wrestling cage match without the cage than a civilized political debate.

Mitt Romney did not like Rick Perry revealing that he (Old Mittens) had hired 17 illegal aliens to put in an Olympic size swimming pool in the backyard of his Boston mansion.

Romney also did not like Perry revealing the fact that Romney three years ago this Halloween had actually told Skippy Viperwater of Tittle Tattle Tonight that he is a Mormon and he only has one wife, but if he got the chance he would love to have four or five more.

Herman Cain started laughing and replied, "I hear dat brutha Mitt, uh huh fa shizzle ma nizzle white boy, Mmmm-Mmmm."

"Stop it! Stop it!" Hollered out Michele Bachmann. "Stop it now. Do you gentlemen not see that there is a lady present on this stage?"

Herman Cain looked around and asked Bachmann, "And where exactly might dat little mama be located huh?"

Mitt Romney and Rick Perry started laughing so hard they forgot that they hated each other and gave each other a high five, a fist bump, and even a chest bump.

Newt Gingrich laughed so hard he said he had to be excused to go to the little boys room.

Ron "The Old Geezer" Paul looked around and asked, "Hey y'all where's old what's his name?"

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Paul was referring to Jon Huntsman who was in New Hampshire watching the leaves change colors.]

Anderson Cooper asked everyone to please control themselves and act like civilized people because they were in a civilized auditorium and not at Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen's friggin house in Sherman Oaks.

Gingrich returned from the bathroom and asked Ron Paul if he had missed anything. Ron looked at him and asked, "And just who the hell are you onion face?"

Herman Cain told Ron that his name was Newt Gingrich or as Mitt Romney and Rick Perry like to jokingly call him "The Pillsbury Doughboy."

Michele Bachmann screamed out "Stop it everyone! Did we forget that we are all Republicans? I mean my goodness gracious if I wanted to be around hollering, screaming, yelling, and name-calling I would have stayed at home with my homophobic, Viagra-poppin' husband, Zeus, I mean Marcus."

Ron Paul turned to Herman Cain and asked, "Hey Kanye, who the hell is that short-haired, angry bitch anyway? And why isn't she getting us our coffee and donuts?"

Rick Santorum just shook his head and did not say a word.

Anderson asked him why he was being so quiet.

Santorum shrugged his shoulders and said that he was just trying to keep a low profile and stay out of the line of fire.

Just then Rick Perry turned to him and asked, "Hey Santorum what the hell are you doing here punk? I mean isn't there a sewing class somewhere that you need to be at?"

Romney chimed in and said, "Good one Perry, that's a damn good one amigo."

Ron Paul turned to Michele Bachmann and asked her what the hell she had done to her big old Loretta Lynn hairdo?"

"Your mama!" Bachmann shouted.

Herman Cain looked over at Michele and told her that she had better stop with her racist bullshit before he calls her a biscuit baking, blue gingham-colored industrial panties-wearing cracker skank.

Ron Paul hollered out, "Yeah, I'll take a cracker. Bachmann get us menfolk all a cracker sweety."

And with that Anderson Cooper remarked, "This here meeting of 'the Nevada Chapter of the Friends of Gary Busey' is hereby adjourned."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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