Written by Lyndon
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Monday, 26 September 2011

image for Freed hikers Bauer and Shourd announce wedding plans, Fattal pissed off
Bauer made the engagement ring out of shirt strands but opted for 14 karat solid gold for the wedding bands

MANHATTAN, Ny.--Whether it was the ordeal that drove them together or not, Shane Bauer and Sarah Shourd, two of the three hikers who'd been arrested in Iran for allegedly spying, are getting married.

Josh Fattal, the third hiker, is not taking his status as third wheel in stride.

Speaking with a prepared statement to reporters, Fattal said, "This is the type of behind-the-back bullshit that we'd expect from the Iranian government. I did the full 781 days with Bauer, and Shourd? She did her 426 days and was outta there."

When pressed by reporters to remark on the romantic nature of the impending marriage, Fattal said, "Oh sure, it's a fucking "Lifetime Movie for Women" if I've ever seen one, and I have. But where does it put my ass? Joshy goes from co-lead man to supporting actor status. Not good, not good."

Asked how he'd protest this latest twist in the hikers' story, Fattal remarked, "Don't worry, it won't be a hunger strike. I'm took fucking hungry for that bullshit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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