The appearance of a hairy biker straddling a Harley Davidson caused quite a stir in the sleepy seaside resort of Worthing this morning. Eye witnesses stated that the hairy biker parked his machine in the multi-storey car park, and then proceeded on foot to Ali Bullo's burger joint, kebab grill and pizzeria on Warwick Street.
Where he shared a table with a mystery blonde wearing Jimmy Choo shoes.
And apparently causing quite a stir as he went about his business.
"I come over all faint," 92 year old Elsie Gribble, a holidaymaker from Burnley explained, as paramedics administered oxygen following her narrowly avoided collapse. "Eeh! He were a right big lad. All musclebound. And blond with a great big bushy beard. Felt stirrings I did. Down below. First time since 1944 when that big black Yank GI done me from behind against a skip in that alley behind the Juste Inn.
I come over all aquiver. I could feel me 'eart flutterin' and me knees goin' ter rubber."
It seems that Elsie wasn't alone in the fluttering heart/week knees condition, as Sussex Ambulance Service struggled to attend a rash of fevered calls from distraught elderly ladies. A spokesperson related that today had been the busiest day of the year so far, with ambulance crews and paramedics coming to the aid of over two hundred elderly ladies, suffering in various degrees of what was described as 'hysterical frenzy.'
"It was unusual," local butcher, Jenson Mutton told reporters. "There were old ladies down all over Warwick Street. Like a combat zone it was. Just loads of old ladies down on the deck, foaming at the mouth, kicking their legs in the air, and all moaning and groaning. Horrible sight to see, it was."
Local lady, and former Mayoress of Worthing, Marjory Mallory-Irvine, 102, was among the victims.
"I don't know what came over me," she confessed. "But I do now realise with hindsight that it was quite unseemly of me. The thing is, I just couldn't help it. When I saw that buff young man, me old hormones kicked in, and I was helpless. I must've had a rush of blood to me nether regions, and I lost control of me mobility scooter and crashed into a wall. Ooh! That young man in his tight jeans and his leather jacket...switched all me 'lectrics on it did. All hairy and that he was. Like a bigger version of Jon Bon Jovi. Oh dearie me! I do fear that I have come over all queer again. It really shouldn't be...allowed...Ooh!"
The hairy biker and the mystery blonde were unavailable for comment, as they left Ali Bullo's place and reportedly went their separate ways. Ali Bullo, who observed the pair chatting as he was cutting kebab in preparation for the lunchtime rush, told a Skoob News reporter:
"Mystery blonde woman is good. She very sexy, and she have good neck. Good neck is important in my country. In my country, neck can make lady go far. Hairy biker though - him probably gay innit. Him pants too tight and him talk with squeaky voice. Like bladdy big girl innit. Me sure him puff."
More from Worthing as we get it.