London. (Spoof International News) Prince William, second in line to the British throne, has reportedly recently gained excessive weight, and has become very concerned about his accelerating hair loss.
The 23 year old son of the Prince of Wales has even gone so far as to start seeing a homeopathic specialist recommended by his father, who, incidentally, has all of his hair.
Successive photographs of the Prince taken over several days easily show that his hair loss is getting worse and worse. His girlfriend, the lovely and wonderful Kate Middleton, even mentioned the issue during a recent appearance on MTV's "Total Request Live."
"William is getting really fat and bald, and he's only like 23 or something," said Middleton. "Obviously if he wasn't a Prince I wouldn't even talk to him. He's getting really gross."
A spokesman for Prince Charles, Ira Flensberg, spoke from the Prince's office at Clarence House. "Like many young men, Prince William is exceedingly vain and can only barely conceive that he may become as bald as a cue ball-like his uncle Edward. It was just several years ago that William, along with his brother Harry, chided Edward over and over and over again about Edward's baldness during family functions.
"Now he has no time for that. He's spending several hours of each day at appointments, learning about ointments, and when he isn't doing that, he's worrying about fat, and rubbing his scalp with Rogaine, and gulping as many Propecia tablets as his doctor will allow. I think he may drop out of Sandhurst even. I know it's a shame but he's embarrassed to be seen in public right now."
The Prince is also concerned about his need for eyeglasses, and soon plans on having laser eye surgery, so that he can ditch them.
"I think some of the things he is doing may be having an effect on his libido," Middleton told Carson Daly of MTV. "The last time we got together, he really cried a lot, and wanted to read me some poetry he had written at Sandhurst.
"I'm not really in to the love thing yet, you know? I'm having too much fun out in the real world. His problems are just too heavy for me."