Written by NerdInBriefs
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Topics: Prince Harry

Sunday, 28 August 2011

image for Premiere of BBC Series on Prince Harry's Trip to Arctic to Cool His Libido - Frost Bite on Crown Jewels & Sleeps With an Eskimo's Whale
Encounter with a Sperm Whale was Hair-Rasing says Harry

BBC's explosive new documentary aired tonight in Britain on the little ginger prince showing that this Royal Family member is anything but boring, after the snooze fest that was the Royal Wedding. American and Canadian royalists will get their own chance to see Harry as part prince, part action man and part your average pissed Brit abroad happy to get his crown jewels out even with the risk of frost bite. Except this pissed Brit being a prince, can normally have anything he wants but what about when it's minus 40 in an Igloo and surrounded by angry polar bears? And in the frozen north can he get his new sister-in-law of his mind?

Randy Prince Harry's libido has become a huge problem for the British establishment since he saw Pippa Middleton's backside at the royal wedding, leading to him being accused of bombarding her with a stream of dirty messages. Together with his porn addiction his crude actions threaten to undo all the positives the Royal wedding achieved for the monarchy in Britain and around the world.

In a special joint project between Prince Charles, SAS, and BBC called 'What to Do About Harry', they banged heads to look at ways to stop him becoming the next Prince Albert of Monaco and a royal laughing stock. Suggestions included accidentally castrating him in a polo accident, freezing his testosterone or a world issue to get his teeth into for the summer.

Prince Charles was an extremely vocal supporter of accidental castration for his son, as he saw this as a good opportunity to stop the ginger line continuing. The BBC, seeing a life changing journey for their viewers, convinced everyone to send him to the frozen north to live with an Eskimo community in Canada before trekking to the North Pole.

The subsequent documentary of Prince Harry's Arctic adventures will air on the BBC and also BBC America, in which viewers on both sides of the pond will see the ginger prince being trained by the SAS, so that he is at peak physical condition to make the epic journey. His training sees him running round the rooms of Buckingham Palace, pulling the royal throne to build up his strength, sleeping in his sub zero vodka bar, being pulled by the Queen's army of corgis in the royal gardens to practise sledging and going to London Zoo to get used to polar bears in which he narrowly escapes being mated by a senile bear.

Before sledging to the North Pole Harry's adventures moves in with his community of Eskimos who are forced to live in Igloos for the sake of the cameras. Through a series of video diaries Harry talks about how he is still unable to get Pippa off his mind, struggles to adapt to the basic diet and suffers from seal blubber flatulence and misses his party circuit friends as well as his porn collection.

He flexes his new muscles by going hunting and kills a whale. After masturbating in his igloo it leaves him with the threat of frost bite on his testicles for which he needs to see a shaman to save them from falling off. He shows his heroics again by saving a drowning polar bear but the old London party behaviour creeps back when Harry convinces an older Eskimo to give him some local home brewed alcohol.

Harry wakes up cuddling his recently caught whale but is stuck to it.

Viewers will need to tune in to the series to find how using crude instruments made from whale bone Harry is prised away from the dead animal. Then he has to face punishment from the Eskimo elders for his drunken actions, in which he tearfully calls his father to see if he can get him out of this spot of bother.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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