Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 23 August 2011

image for Ambulances to be toned down?
They need to be more considerate

British ambulances have been branded as too noisy, too bright and too aggressively drive by The Patient Advocate Group.

"Do these ambulance drivers not understand that they're carrying sick people?" asked Paul Lay. "The ill and injured don't need raucous rave music with accompanying flashing lights while they are shaken about as they are hurtled around Britain's pot-holed streets. Hardly the best start to their treatment!"

According to Lay, the ambulance service need to improve their customer service.

"It's their job to get people to hospital without killing them on route," he said. "It would be also handy if they got there without having additional fractures, pain or a headache from the noise."

The PAG's request has the backing of people who live near hospital emergency rooms.

"It's really annoying," said Melanie Anoma, who lives just down the road from the busy Withenshaw hospital A&E. "You'll be settling down for a nice cuppa and Corrie, when you're deafened by some maniac with a siren."

According to EU Noise Abatement Guidelines, Ambulances currently exceed the allowable noise level of public service vehicles by eighty decibels.

"This is just intolerable," said Lay. "The critically injured are being subjected to excessive noise. It is time for the critically ill to stand up and be counted."

The Ambulance Service are not taking criticism lying down, due to the lack of beds in hospitals.

"I'd like to see how this Lay bloke would feel if we needed to get him to hospital quickly," said ambulance driver Simon Raine, "and we're tootling along at twenty miles an hour stopping to let old ladies cross the road."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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