Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 20 August 2011

image for Worthing Prepares For Invasion Of Littlehampton Gang
Edna enjoys a good ruck.

Sussex Police were on high alert today preparing to defuse trouble between rival sets of south coast gangs in Worthing.

Residents of the resort are anxiously awaiting the arrival of gangs of pensioners from along the coast at Littlehampton.

"We're not expecting trouble, but we have to be prepared," said a police spokesman. "There has been a lot of talk in Littlehampton's sheltered housing about taking a trip to Worthing."

Littlehampton's senior citizens are apparently hot under the collar about the attention Worthing has been receiving in the media recently - especially on news website, The Spoof.

We spoke to "Buster" Knaggs, 75, over a cup of tea in Sally's Cafe.

"They've been getting right above themselves have them Worthing. They need taking down a peg or two and me and some of the lads are going to pay them a visit this weekend.

Eighty-two-year-old "Nobby" Percival agreed: "Yeah. Our Norma's youngest is going to run us up there in his minibus. Our British Legion has been in touch with theirs and arranged a 'meet' under the pier."

Back in Worthing, Edna Grimstock, 96, said: "Let 'em bring it on. Our lads here at Seaview will see 'em off - it's been a while since we've had a good ruck down here.

"Some old bints and geezers from Bognor was up here a few years ago lookin' a bit tasty, tryin' it on, but we seen them off all right.

"Yeah. We knows all about those Littlehampton lads - Littlehampton by name... heheheh!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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