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Friday, 19 August 2011

Food manufacturer McCain have confirmed their intention to begin mass producing chips made of brain matter, which they say will replicate all the qualities consumers have become accustomed to in the potato versions, other than being slightly more temperamental than their vegetarian counterparts.

They hope the product will provide a healthier alternative to their current offerings whilst encouraging families to gorge endlessly on them in the belief it could boost the overall intellect of their unit.

Spokesman Arthur Trout said the company had worked tirelessly to get the chips to market.

He told reporters the company had worked on the basis that there would be just as little brain matter in the chips as there was in the cerebral region of their customer base, leaving the door for them to pretty much knock up any old thing and 'flog it on'.

The brain matter used is a heady mixture of sheep and cows. After the BSE scares of the late 90s, the company was reticent about using human brains and decided against it.

Fast food giants McDonalds said they were excited at the prospect of changing the very constitution of products they had been chemically altering for years.

'We are delighted to have a few extra eyes and ears seeking to destroy humanity with complex changes to the molecular structure of what should be nutritious.'

'Who knows what tasty treats those eyes and ears could go on to become.'

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