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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

image for Queen's riot tourists visit London hellholes
She looked nervous as cops confiscasted her hand-held poison blowdart - last line of defence against local proles

London - Wacky self-publicists Charles and Camilla are having a field day gawping at the burnt out remains of the London riots.

Cops kept a beady eye as the pair arrived at Tottenham Leisure Centre amid fears they might loot some of the public donations.

The piles of clothes, bedding, toys, unwanted packets of Dodgy Originals Jammy Dodger biscuits etc - are all destined for distribution to riot victims.

Next stop was Hackney where Charles' pepper spray, mini hand-held taser and other self-defence gadgets were hurriedly confiscated before he was allowed anywhere near residents.

Camilla, seen grasping a poison blowdart with which to prod locals who might get up too close, suffered the indignity of a police patdown that very nearly dislodged her colostomy bag (don't ask!).

And at Croydon the couple asked to take home some of ashes 'as a souvenir' from a burnt-down furniture store that had often been described as past its London Blitz sell-by.

"Apparently that store was where the Old Queen Mum bought her first Axminster autumn-swirl carpet," community organiser Bunty Smallcock told Evening Courier reporters.

The offending rug still covers the floor at Birkhall House following official listing by the Scottish Wildlife Conservation Council as being Of Special Scientific Interest.

A 1950s census had found a rare earwig colony living in rug's wool-mix threads and decided the habitat was unique to an endangered Scottish species.

The riot tour continues tomorrow with an organised ogle of Wolverhampton and Manchester.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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