Written by Monochrome
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Thursday, 8 December 2005

image for Big Surprise As Conservative Party Choose Posh Bloke David Cameron
I Think I've Met Some Women

Eton and Cambridge educated posh bloke David Cameron has declared that he will make the Conservative Party more appealing to the British public.

"It's about time that we reclaimed the Conservatives." Declared the first really posh person to lead the Tories since Sir Alec Douglas Home in 1963.
"The peasants have had a go, the pendulum has swung and now it's the turn of the ruling class, the people who are born to lead. We know what's best and the ordinary people of this country know that; they want someone in charge who will tell them what to do. They don't want consensus, they want leadership and I'm the man to give deliver it! We're modernising and that means going back to the golden age of conservatism when people in this country knew their place."

More Women

Mr Cameron is concerned about the lack of women Conservative Members of Parliament.
"I've met some women and I must say some of them seem jolly nice. My nanny was a woman, I think she was anyway and my wife is woman. My mother's a woman too - actually I'll have to ask Father about that one - not sure really. I think some of the servants may be women. Anyway, there should be more of them in politics; they could make the tea and wash up and clean and all sorts of things."

Groovy Man, Yeah!

Mr Cameron, who at 38 is the youngest Tory leader since Pitt the Younger, is convinced that the young people of the country will identify with him.
"I'm a pretty groovy, hip and happening young guy, I know what's happening on the streets man, so I know that the youth of this country will look at me and think,' Yes, he's one of us.' They'll think of me as their Senior Prefect or Head Boy like at school. I remember how I looked up to my Head Boy, even when he was giving me a good beating; in fact, especially when he was giving a good beating. I used to look up to the older boys and think how I could become like them, I even used to dream about them - still do actually - and that's how the young people of Britain look at me."

Love & Peace

Mr Cameron wants to bring a new attitude to parliamentary debate and has indicated that he will seek to work with the government on many issues.
"If there's a policy on which I think I can help, I see no reason why I should not give the government the benefit of my intellect. The problem is that the government doesn't know how to lead; they're just ordinary people and they are not bred to rule like we in the Conservative Party so it's only fair that I should help them out if I can. I'm sure that the government will be grateful for my help. Of course, when I take over in a few year's time I won't need help from anyone."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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